Top 5 Wednesday: Books I'm Thankful For

   Today's top five Wednesday is books I'm thankful for. I'm going to keep off Transformers because at this point, everyone and their dog knows how much that comic now means to me. So, this is everything else!

1. Harry Potter.

   Is this really a surprise? I'm really critical of Harry Potter now, for a myriad of reasons, but it was something that helped me get into reading. I hated reading as a little kid; I remember rereading the same Lego book in second grade because I didn't want to read anything else. But somehow, Harry Potter changed that. It was easy, there was a sense of magic I loved. So no matter how critical I am of it, and how complicated my feelings on it are now, I'll always remember it fondly for that reason.

2. Warriors

   While Harry Potter opened the door to a reading love, Warriors by Erin Hunter blew it open. It helped spark my writing, it's what got me into fandom. I love the conventions of it, I think the worldbuilding was so cool. I remember thinking about how dark The Darkest Hour was as a kid, and how I'd never read anything darker. I still reread the first six books from time to time (I am, in fact, one of those annoying fans who don't count anything past those six). It's just a good time and it matters so much to me.

3. The Selection.

   This feels so weird. God this feels so weird. I objectively don't like this series for a myriad of reasons, largely linking to shoddy worldbuilding (I put a lot of emphasis on worldbuilding, ok!), this series somehow managed to worm its way into my heart. I'd been in a reading slump throughout high school and college, due to budding mental problems. Primarily, issues with executive dysfuntion and general attention issues that made reading harder. But on a whim, I got The Selection out from the library and managed to read through it in a day. It kicked off me getting back into reading (though I still struggle a lot!), so for that I'll always be thankful. Also, it was just ridiculous fun.

4. Captain America: Winter Soldier

   My proper first comic, the first one I bought for myself. I liked the movies, but was too intimidated by the amount of continuity to properly get into it. Then, one day, I said "screw it" and picked up Winter Soldier, on the recommendation of a friend. A lot of the continuity was lost on me, but I didn't really care. It was a good story, leading to a fantastic run of Captain America that I still completely adore despite me having fallen out of love with Marvel as a whole. Also, my copy is a misprint, so that's another additional love. My first comic is imperfect and wonderful and I am so thankful I have it.

5. Gotham by Midnight

   A comic that was gone too soon. Gotham by Midnight was my first exploration of DC comics beyond batman, and my first proper introduction to the Spectre. I owe a lot to the Spectre as a whole, since he led me to meeting my best friend. This comic is so good, so wonderful, I'm so sad it ended prematurely. The ending is rushed and didn't do as much with the lore as it could have, but I treasure the issues that exist. Also, the art in it is absolutely gorgeous! Ben Templesmith's in the first half is simplistic and eerie, while Juan Ferreyra's in the second half conveys horrific imagery in his wonderful colored pencil & water color style.

More than Meets the Eye/Lost Light Deserves a Spot on Queer Comic Shelves

Skip To The End For Comic Recs

   Back in July of this year (2017) the eighth issue of The Transformers: Lost Light, titled An Axe to Break the Ice, was released. For the whole day, the Transformers blogs I follow on tumblr talked about nothing but the big reveal: Lug and Anode, two new cast members, are married trans women. I didn't realize until later that almost everything I saw about this was within the fandom, barring a small handful of "congrats on the trans lesbians" posts. I spoke to a few friends of mine, asking if they'd seen anything that I had missed. I was told they hadn't really seen anything either.

   As a result, I started looking up LGBT/Queer comic recommendation lists, trying to find if any had Lost Light (or More than Meets the Eye, since Lost Light is merely a continuation after a rebranding) on it. I understand the reputation Transformers has, that it's a franchise for the dudebro-iest of dudebros with cool cars and hot women and lots of explosions, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that I can't find it, but it's no less disheartening. It feels like this comic (and the other IDW Transformer titles) gets passed over merely because it flies under the Transformers banner, which is hardly fair. The representation in More than Meets the Eye is not lesser because of the franchise it's in.

   To begin, More than Meets the Eye (which ran for 57 issues, before being retitled Lost Light) is the story of the Lost Light, a ship that departed from Cybertron soon after their war without end, well, ended. Headed by Rodimus, around two hundred 'bots begin a quest to find the legendary Knights of Cybertron, who could either find them a new a home or help repair their old one. They've made very little progress. Which is fine, because the true point is all these losers finding love (romantic and platonic) and saving the day.

   The first and main relationship in the story so far is between Chromedome and Rewind. Established as being close, with Prowl calling Rewind Chromedome's best friend in the title's very first issue, the two are very rarely seen without each other. In issue 12, Chromedome is stated to be Rewind's conjunx endura, which translates out to "enduring spouse" (this was first mentioned in relation to Rewind being in critical condition and Chromedome needing to make a medical decision for him, to boot). Issue 16 made this more explicit, with Rewind actually saying the words "I love you." Chromedome has three ex-husbands, all of whom passed away in the war (with an implied ex-boyfriend in Prowl), and Rewind has one ex-husband who's been missing since early on in the war. So they're all gay, too.

[Rewind sits on the shoulders of his much taller husband, who has hold of his legs while Rewind folds his arms on top of Chromedome's head]

   There's also the relationship between Cyclonus, a grumpy purple plane who was on neither side of the conflict, and Tailgate, who spent the entirety of the war underground and is just trusting and naive. Their contrast is cute, and Cyclonus would "split the world in two and tear down the sky if [Tailgate] came to even the slightest harm" [his words]. The love between them drives a lot of their character development, and played pivotal to major plot progression near the end of More than Meets the Eye season 2. Of course, part of the drama is that neither admits their feelings to the other. It's led to a lot of great drama and wonderfully sad moments, even if the two got off to a, well, rocky start would be putting it mildly.

[Whirl and Cyclonus lean in, practically touching foreheads. Whirl says "So why aren't you guys a couple?" Cyclonus replies "... ... He deserves better. He's kind. He cares about people. The more he's pushed away, the more he reaches out." Whirl, who is kind of an asshole, says, "So it's not the height difference." And Cyclonus: "It is in a way. He towers over me."]

   The newest couple in the title is Lug and Anode, the previously mentioned trans lesbians. I really can't say much about them without spoiling parts of the story but they're great and cute. Anode is reckless and runs into danger, while Lug is more restrained and a(n attempted) grounding force for Anode. We're only a few issues in with them and they're such a wonderful delight.

[Two panels, side by side. In the first, Anode presents Lug with a small instrument, saying, "Anyway, here. Survival present." Lug has two floating hearts near her head and she replies, "Aw, thank you!" In the second, Lug hugs Anode while Anode and Nautica talk. The speech bubbles are blank.]

   The Revolution one shot featured the Scavengers, and the central plot of it revolved around Crankcase meeting his online boyfriend. They were really cute, despite the catfishing and the usual shenanigans, but the Scavengers only appear everyone once and a while, so who knows when this will crop up again (though Roberts says they're still in touch).

   From then on the comic has several single characters stated or implied to be gay/bi. Brainstorm, the Lost Light's resident mad scientist, is the most prominent Single Gay in the whole comic. The exact extent to how gay he is, is actually a spoiler, but he's very, incredibly gay. The implication is, at current, that he has a massive crush on the ship's resident scientist, Perceptor. This takes the form of extreme attempts to impress him, or imitate him. Brainstorm has a type, but I can't tell you more than that without spoilers.

[A panel of Brainstorm and Perceptor. Brainstorm has a finger against his head, and is prodding Perceptor on the forehead with a "TNK" sound effect above it. Brainstorm says, "See? You and me - simpatico." to a surprised Perceptor]

   There's evidence that Perceptor is starting to like Brainstorm back, but the exact extent is unknown. Issue 40 of More than Meets the Eye had Perceptor showing support for Brainstorm, and an issue of Lost Light had Brainstorm mention that Perceptor asked him to be his lab partner. Then, issue 10 of Lost Light sent the fandom into a bit of a tizzy because we got even more evidence. But at this point, this one is mostly just fandom hoping and speculation.

[Jackpot jumps in on a conversation about who had left the Lost Light, excitedly adding, "Brainstorm! You should've seen Percy's face when he found out..."]

   Skids and Getaway, in issue 41, tease each other over flirting with the same person (who did turn out to be a woman- Cybertronians are majority men and assumptions are made. Skids didn't make a big deal about being corrected). Then there's Pipes, who rattled off a list of traits he'd like in a potential significant other in the story "No Guns, No Swords, No Briefcases" that appeared in the end of issue 50, was implied to be attracted to Riptide, who matched most of his criteria. Sadly, Riptide didn't know this and Pipes died before Riptide joined the crew.

   I think Jackpot and Mainframe, two background characters, are together but I can't find the tweet and don't exactly want to point to "Word of God" as proper proof. 

   My favorite part, though, my absolute favorite part is how casually gay everyone is. There are "assumed relationship" jokes that come off as that, as opposed to "wouldn't it be funny if he was gay." Like the time Lug said "you made the pretty one with the swords faint in front of his conjunx!" after Drift fainted in front of Rodimus, or...well, a lot of what was going on in the holiday comic Silent Light between Megatron and Ultra Magnus. 

[Megatron, having accidentally turned on the ship's PA system, says over the speaker, "-you think you're doing, Ultra Magnus, but I've never given anyone a hug in my life." Rodimus, who is stepping into his BED chamber, says "I knew it." Megatron continues, "This is your final warning! You're a solitary individual and you get lonely - I can empathise - but now is not the time!"]

   This post is getting long enough, but my point is is that James Roberts' has created a work with a wonderful variety of lgbt characters that it's unfair that it goes as unnoticed as it does. There's a casual ease to it. The dialogue reads differently with the knowledge the character's aren't straight. Nautica saying "What's your name, I'd like to worship you like a god" would come off as fetishistic or queerbait in a lot of other things. Blades saying "Do I like him. Do I like him" in Lost Light 10 wouldn't come off as him wondering if First Aid was asking him if he was attracted to Getaway. It's funny, and charming, and has a million other reasons I'd recommend it (politics, treatment of mental illness, excellent world building). Maybe I'll write about them at some point.

Comics to read, if I managed to convince you to give IDW Transformers a try:

• Last Stand of the Wreckers by James Roberts and Nick Roche - story of the Wrecker's last stand, with plotlines that Lost Light carries on. Nonessential.
• Chaos Theory by James Roberts - two issues of the 2009 Transformers title. A modern day conversation between Megatron and Optimus Prime, with scenes in pre-war Cybertron. Essential world building.
• Death of Optimus Prime by John Barber and James Roberts. Directly leads into the Robots in Disguise and More than Meets the Eye titles. Essential.
• Maximum Dinobots by Simon Furman. The story of the Dynobots "last stand." Can't really say how essential it is or not.
• Spotlight: Kup by Nick Roche. Not really tied into More than Meets the Eye at all (though you get to see how different Perceptor is before "Persniper" happened) but it's a one shot, it's good, and it's got Familial Emotions.
• Spotlight: Mirage. Want a really weird time? Read this comic. Nonessential. It really just exists in its own little universe.
• Not a comic, but the TFWiki is your best friend

November To Do's

   Halloween is over and November is here. A less spooky time, more a time for food and family and loads of stress when you don't have good relationships with either. Anyway, the near is drawing to a close and I've read pretty much dick. Also, it's NaNoWriMo! I'm already behind, but I just want to make some progress on a story I've been sitting on forever. Let's get started, shall we?

Reading TBR

   I didn't finish my reads from October, so that remains the same. The list is as follows:

• Long Lankin by Lindsey Barraclough
• There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins
• Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moira Fowley Doyle

   I go into more detail with them on my October TBR post, which is here. Another read'll be Lost Light issue 11, which comes out at the end of the month and details the midpoint of the Mutineers Trilogy. I can't even say what it'll be about, considering how the previous issue ended.

   

Craft Plans

   I'm going to be making more of the cute ghost plushes I made last month. I might experiment and make his little heart colors of LGBT flags. Besides, it'll be good embroidery practice. I'll also be working on my owl plushes, also with LGBT thread colors. 

   I'd also like to learn a little bit about making stickers and bookmarks and all. I'm thinking of starting an etsy, so I might as well have other things there.

NaNoWriMo Writing

   I'm going to do NaNo. Dunno how far I'll get, I'm already behind, but I'm going to make a dent in my story. My project is about a young aspiring superhero named Marion, sixty years after the superhero community was destroyed and rendered to a shadow of its former self. With her ability to conjure horrific imagery and unending optimism, she reaches out to aid a fellow hero in despair and gets more than she ever bargained for. It's a story about finding yourself, coming into your own, and forming unbreakable bonds that might just save the world.

   It's a story universe I've been working on for about six years and it's about time I actually wrote and finished something for it. So fingers crossed, and good luck to all NaNo-ers out there this month!

October Wrap-Up/Haul

    October is one of my favorite times of the year. I'm a spooky kind of person, I love horror and the general atmosphere. The last few years, in the throws of my depression, I found it difficult to get into the season. So this year, I made a conscious effort to be more excited. I picked out a Halloween sewing project for myself, and I decided to partake in Spook-a-thon (with the plan that if I didn't finish, I would finish my TBR for it anyway, attention span permitting). Me and one of my friends went to the Haunted Graveyard at Lake Compounce, which was a first for me. I started using my Instagram again. I did a lot of baking. This was a generally good month for me!

    I didn't finish my TBR even a little, but I did dent it, and I will be trying to finish the books I had listed for November. Either way, let's get into it.

Reading Wrap-Up

    First thing I read was the slaughterhouse arc from James Robert's More Than Meets the Eye. Technically, the arc itself starts in issue 32 and ends in 33, but I started with issue 29 (World Shut Your Mouth, Part One: Towards Peace, which is a mouthful of a title). A new status quo is established for the ship, with new characters joining the roster after the Dark Cybertron event, and new shenanigans to be had among the crew of the Lost Light. This arc touches on all kinds of things, including mourning after the loss of a loved one and the horrors of war, but the crux of it is the cast finding a ship whereon everyone had been gruesomely slaughtered. The pacing is wonderful, with the build up to the many reveals in the story landing with a lot of impact. There is still a level of the surreal to it, as out of context a group of robots finding a room full of dead cars and planes isn't exactly scary. But the story told is still so spooky and I really just love this cast. And the ending, before the lead in to Elegant Chaos, is still one of the sweetest moments in the book.

    Second, I started reading Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moira Fowley-Doyle. I enjoyed it, though I only got halfway through before my attention span started kicking my ass. A town where things start going missing, people finding things that don't belong to them, and a group of girls finding a spellbook that can bring back what was lost (for a price). Things seem a little more sinister, with hints towards Rowan and Hazel's past that is shrouded in mystery. The narrative jumps between POVs, and I did feel like everyone had a unique voice and I enjoyed the amount of bi rep that was present. The story was intriguing to boot, but I did find the pacing to be off and far too fast for my liking. I will be trying to finish the book in November and I'll have more complete thoughts then.

    The last thing I read in October was issue 10 of Lost Light by James Roberts, Plotter's Club Part 1: Full Circle, and really, what a perfect October read. It was the long awaited return to the Lost Light after a mutiny back in issue 50 of More Than Meets The Eye, told from the point of view of a group (primarily, First Aid) that had departed the ship months prior to it. The mutineers lie casually regarding why they have a new captain, with things growing more unsettling as the story goes on. From the Thunderclash reveal to the end, I was positively screaming. Especially when that moment happened and the ending fell into place. Getaway is definitely one of my favorite villains, he's so vile and smug and ugh, what an excellent villain. Also that hint that Perceptor might return Brainstorm's feelings? Excellent.

Crafting Wrap-Up

    I did a lot of baking this Halloween. Most of it really ugly, because I'm still learning stuff, but I made some really good cookies! A lofthouse style cookie, dyed to look like little pumpkins, that are absolutely delicious.

    I also found this recipe for cookie sandwiches with a ganache filling that my mom and I made together, and we gave them eyes made of marshmallows and reeses pieces/M&M's. They're really tasty, too.

    The most important things I created this month, however, was the costume I made for Halloween and a little ghost plush I did in about two hours. The costume was a bit of a hassle, due to me vastly overestimating how big I was, so I had to wildly alter the size of it so it would fit on my ridiculous 5'1 frame. But I ended up looking super cute in it (and the ragged edges at the bottom pull off a nice look, in my opinion!). The mask I bought at Michael's.

    And the ghost I made, well, it's a cute little guy with hand stitched embroidery that I basically had to freehand due to lack of a fabric pen that'd let me draw guidelines. The end result is no less adorable!

    I also got back into planning in a big way and went a little...overboard making my planner pretty, but here it is! In all it's glory! The stickers I used were all brand new, bought that month, because hooboy was I in a really spooky mood. They're Martha Stewart Brand washi tape, which I'm not a huge fan of (I don't like that I have to peel them from a wax strip because it makes a mess).

    So who knows what's next for me in the month of November. I'm going to try my hand at NaNoWriMo (again), and let's see how far I go before I crash and burn. Oh well, as long as I have something done! I'll have a TBR/November Plans post up soon, so look out for that! In the mean time, here's a selfie of me from Lake Compounce, in addition to a spider thing that was there (that I promptly joked was Tarantulas, from Transformers, to my friend, who isn't into Transformers). I should note that the Haunted Graveyard was an absolute blast and I screamed so much, because I'm a jumpy baby, before I ruined everyone's fun time by telling people that the Guillotine was not a torture device and putting it with the likes of the rack was ahistoric. I'm a historian, I can't help it. (also wasn't a fan of the obligatory Scary Mental Asylum, so I spent that section as a complete grump)

A Whole New TBR

    Hope y'all like my awful, thrown-together-in-five-minutes header! I'm getting the hang of things, okay. Anyway, inspired by the video from the lovely Cece at problemsofabooknerd on youtube, I've decided to do Spookathon! I've been in a reading slump, and I've been wanting to get in the spirit of Halloween, so hopefully this will kick my ass into gear!

Challenges & Books:

1. Read A Thriller

    For this, I'll be reading Long Lankin by Lindsey Barraclough. It's about two sisters, Cora and Mimi, who are sent to spend time with their great Aunt in a secluded village called Bryers Guerdon. Their arrival reawakens an evil that has held the village in its grip for centuries. The girls and two local boys have to unravel the history of the town's hall and church, to save the younger sister. I saw this on display at my local library and loved the cover, so I had to pick it up. Who knows the quality, but it sure is pretty to look at. Besides, I'm super a sucker for small towns with dark secrets, its one of my favorite sub-genres and I always am looking for more to read!

2. Read a Book With a Spooky Word in the Title

    This is completely cheating because it's actually just a reread, but you can't stop me. For this one, I'll be reading slaughterhouse by James Roberts. Six months after restarting their quest after a stop at home, the Lost Light finds itself in a rather strange situation. Rewind's final message to his grieving husband suddenly ends in a scream instead of "I love you." A strange coffin appears. Parts of the ship are going missing, followed by members of the crew. It's left to those remaining to get to the bottom of the mystery. While More Than Meets the Eye is definitely a comedy, this arc is pretty unnerving. It uses familiar horror tropes, but the happy ending makes up for it I think! And "slaughterhouse" is definitely a spooky word.

3. Read a Book Based on a Childhood Fear 

    You know what I'm scared of? Home invasion. A serial killer coming after me. Always have been. I have, mayhaps, watched too much horror in my life and from too young an age. Anyway. Stephanie Perkins There's Someone In Your House seems pretty fitting, at least I think so. It's about Makani Young adjusting to life in Nebraska with her Grandmother, after a life in Hawaii that still haunts her. Local teens in her town start dying in gruesome ways, and it seems like it's only a matter of time before she's struck down. That's really all I know, but it should be fun, I think? If anything it'll be fun camp horror, which I'm always a fan of.

4/5. Read a Book with Orange on the Cover/Read a Book with a Spooky Setting

    Twofer for this. Spellbook of Lost and Found by Moira Fowley-Doyle. Things start to go missing, starting with the small until it's evident that bigger things are missing. Two friends, Olive and Rose, meet three mysterious strangers - Ivy, Hazel, and Rowan - who've lost something and have secrets of their own. The group discovers a spellbook that could bring back what was lost and set things right. But, there's a chance it could bring about disaster and things never meant to be found. Cece mentioned this in her video about Spookathon, and it sounded right up my alley. The cover makes me feel the chill of autumn, which is a definite plus in my book.

The Evil Abuse Victim & Why I Decided to Not Finish Strange The Dreamer

    Over the summer I decided to pick up Strange The Dreamer by Laini Taylor. I hadn't read anything by her prior, but I knew she was a darling in the YA reader community, and I heard many, many positive things about her newest book. So when I saw it at the library, I decided to check it out. What would the harm be? I ended up sorely disappointed, and actually quite upset. I DNF'd the book only partway through and have no intention of trying it out again.

    To start with the positive, I can see why Taylor is so popular. Her prose is beautiful and was an absolute pleasure to read. The words flowed together wonderfully, and on that front I was quite captured by it. Lazlo was a charming lead character, and I enjoyed his quiet presence and good nature. The mystery intrigued me- I was curious about the world she'd built. I was invested, incredibly so. Which is one of the reasons I was so disappointed; I didn't want to give up this magical world, but ultimately did.

    See, I often find myself drawn to characters who are abuse victims. I was immediately drawn to Thyon, feeling a sort of kinship to him. My relationship with my mother is not one of physical abuse, but I find comfort in characters with even a slight similarity to my own experiences. Maybe this is my own fault, I don't know, but it's resulted in a strong aversion to the trope of "Characters Who Suffer Abuse Become Evil." And when Thyon threw Lazlo's kindness back in his face, I felt honestly crushed. The narrative began reminding me of that common story element that pits the good, kindhearted abuse survivor (though I'm aware Lazlo technically isn't one, but he did suffer from parental abandonment) against the angry, bitter abuse survivor. It's something that makes me feel shame for my own anger over what's been taken from me.

    So feeling disheartened I skipped around in the book, to see where the plot went next. I was then hit with another trope I hate: the "Your Real Parents Really Love You." This one is only somewhat linked to my personal experiences, but it nevertheless frustrates and kind of upsets me. I don't have any "real parents" who actually love me, and abandoned me against their will, I don't have some mysterious past to be unlocked. I am simply as I am, a victim of abuse who is trying my best to be a better person.

    I see the value in these kinds of stories, and how other abuse victims may find comfort in them. I don't want to take that away from anyone, because I really do understand the why. They just aren't for me, and I think my voice on the matter is just as important as any other's.

Review: Last Stand of the Wreckers

content warnings for: robo gore, body horror, and war crimes

Title: Last Stand of the Wreckers

Author(s): Nick Roche, James Roberts

Artist: Nick Roche

    Last Stand of the Wreckers (or simply "lsotw") is a five issue mini-series focusing on the Autobot special ops unit, the Wreckers, and their mission to liberate Garrus-9, a prison planet that fell to the decidedly non-existent mercies of Overlord, a nigh-invincible Decepticon deserter. And on top of liberating the prison and rescuing the Autobots trapped there, they need to secure something called Aequitas.

[set of panels, three stacked, all with a blood red background: first; a victorious Overlord holds up a defeated Fortress Maximus, warden of g9, saying "Like this...Let us play a game. I will turn Fortress Maximus over to you. All you have to do is try not to kill him." Second; all silhouette, Fort Max is thrown to grasping prisoner hands as an off panel Overlord says "Catch." Third; Overlord looks away as pink energon - robot blood - splatters from off panel, and says "I think I'm going to like it here."]

    Down a few members, due to other mainstays being otherwise preoccupied, the active Wreckers (leader Springer; war hero Kup; brothers Topspin and Twin Twist; scientist-turned-sniper Perceptor [or Percy]) bring in members from their reserves (Optimus Prime wannabe Pyro; ace pilot Rotorstorm; Guzzle who I honestly don't remember much about; and the fanboy Ironfist) to bolster their numbers, and give them a sliver more of a chance of them making it out alive and with the mission accomplished. A human stowaway, Verity, and ex-Wrecker leader Impactor end up tagging along. Things go south almost immediately, when Wreckers' ships go down after an attack from the Decepticons and from then on it's a fight to the end. The odds are stacked against them, but that's when the Wreckers are sent in- when the odds of success are next to zero.

[here's a panel of Percy hanging, upside down, out of the damanged hull of his team's ship to shoot attacking Decepticons out of the sky]

    This comic was...pretty phenomenal. I'd already read More Than Meets the Eye (by James Roberts), but with its references to this story and the general attitude of the fandom at large, I knew it was inevitable I was going to read this. It is a story apparently adored by fans, and it's really not all that hard to see why. Even ignoring the fact it came out when reception for the franchise was low, and the storylines were iffy at best. I read a single issue of All Hail Megatron (issue 15, because I love Percy) and, quite honestly, that's all I need in my life of that.

    While More Than Meets the Eye is at its core a dramedy, Last Stand is a war story. You can remove practically all the parts relating to them being alien robots in a Forever War, save for a few parts that don't make sense outside of its context (Fort Max's fate and Topsin & Twin Twist's overlapping nervous system come to mind), and the story remains unchanged. I'm hesitant to call it "dark and gritty" because of the connotation of that meaning "it takes itself way too seriously," but it is more grounded than I'd gotten used to with More Than Meets the Eye.

    Most of the humor in the story is undercut by the gravity of the situation the characters are in, like when Rotorstorm says "Wreckers combine!" when his team finds themselves in audience with Overlord. And promptly gets shot in the head, covering the others in robot blood and gore. I am not posting panels of the gore because despite them being robots it's still a bit extreme. There is a lot of body horror present, besides.

[The flaming endoskeleton of Overlord hulks over an off-panel Verity, and says, "Look at you. All brittle bones and ligaments and red, red ventricles, so sticky-soft and bendable... I wonder what sound you'll make when I pop your seams? You and your dead friends have ruined everything. What would happen if he was to arrive now? How could I best Megatron when I am reduced to this?"]

Recommend If: You're looking for a SciFi war story that looks into the realities of war vs the sanitized version those not involved get. Its a war horror story, with an underlying theme of hope. HOWEVER I do not recommend this comic for those who do not like stories with unhappy endings. The heroes in this lose. They secure Aequitas, but it's just to cover up war crimes; they rescue Fort Max, but every other Autobot prisoner had been killed; they defeat Overlord, but he was repaired by Autobot command and is still on the loose.

LGBT Rep: So like, the Transformers IDW comics are structured in a way that it's safe to assume "gay until proven otherwise" due to the characters being of a single gender race. However, as far as confirmed gay characters go, Last Stand only has Prowl present, and only for a handful of pages. On top of that, Prowl. Kind of sucks, honestly. He isn't a good person. So while he is far and away not the only gay character in this franchise, he is the only one present here (unless Percy is confirmed gay at some point, since he's the next most likely).

Reflections and Lost Identities

My wordbound week 23 entry! A scene that prominently features a mirror

            She did not know how long she’d stood in the bathroom, staring at her reflection above the sink. For a while she had held it in a death grip, mind a whirl of emotions and doubts and furies, but her grip had lessened as the inner monsoon dulled to the barest breeze. Hands hung at her sides, loose and weak, all the energy having drained from her body.

            The face that stared back at her was familiar, but grew more alien with every passing second. She knew every line, she knew the story to every scar, but with the faintest flickering of panic she began to question whether she did or not. Memory was a fleeting thing, and though she was not inclined to the philosophical – or, in all honesty, many esoteric and not concrete pursuits – she pondered this idea. How perhaps memories could be shuttled from one brain to another, with the right synapse stimulus or the right brain rearranging. Not for the first time that evening, a chill ran up her spine, and though a small part of her wished to wrap her arms around herself in a reassuring embrace, she could not gather up the will to do it.

            She looked at the dark hazel of her irises, calling up a memory of how a boy in high school had complimented the streaks of green one could see if they got close enough. Her vision drifted to a scar that cut through her eyebrow, leaving an awkward part, one she had gained in a fight defending a fellow classmate; a class ring right to the face. She’d been proud of it. Next, her hair. Long and flowing, she could hear the distant imprint of her mother’s voice, cooing over how beautiful it was. How it would be a shame for it to be cut; a tragedy of a beautiful thing lost to the world.

            Wrong. All wrong. It wasn’t hers, it had never been hers. Someone else’s memories, someone who bore her face and her name but had died long, long before. She was impersonating a corpse, a zombie infiltrating the living and she hadn’t even known it. No one seemed to realize it. Not this body’s family, nor her friends. She slipped into the role effortlessly, as if nothing had changed, even if everything had.

            Her fingers flexed at her sides, suddenly restless and desiring to move. She knew that she – no, this woman – kept a pair of scissors in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, to cut away uneven strands that didn’t require a full trip to a hairdresser. Shaking herself out of her daze, forcing herself into the present, she opened the cabinet, and pushed aside bandages and pain killers (ones she never needed, but kept around just in case) to find the scissors. The dull panic that had controlled her the past few hours was ebbing away, giving to a sort of confused fury that burned through her like a virus.

            She shut the cabinet to be confronted with her reflection once more. Her chest heaved and her face distorted into a snarl, as she reached up to wind her fingers through her thick brown hair. In the back of her mind she could hear a voice, her – no, not hers, this body’s – mother’s, complementing the pale shade of brown that pushed it towards blond. How her hair was her greatest asset, a nice accent to her muscular body. She sneered further, nose crinkling and eyebrows furrowing and her teeth baring to rip out the throat of an unseen enemy.

            Without hesitation she raised the scissors to her hair, pulling it taunt enough to strain at her skull. She took a deep breath, one that hissed between her clenched teeth, and snipped. She sawed through the thick bundle, feeling the weight fall away and strands falling to tickle the back of her neck. The cuts were amateur, ragged and everything was at an angle but she didn’t care; she just needed to do something for herself. To set herself apart. To distance herself from her reflection, from a dead woman whose name and face and memories she bore.

            She slowed, took a few deep breaths that shook in her chest to calm herself, and proceeded to even the cut as best she could. Then, she stared at her reflection. The face was still the same, bore the same lines and scars and stories, but her hair was different. It sat at an awkward bob that reached just past her chin, halfway too her shoulders, with the foot of now lost hair sitting in a sad pile at her feet. She wanted – no, needed – it shorter, but supposed that could wait. She would redefine herself, form a new identity from the one handed to her, and try to do her reflection proud.

            But at that time, she supposed all that was left to be done was to clean up the mess she’d made.

More Than Meets The Eye: Gay Robots In Space

Note: trigger/general warnings for the comic at the end of the review, if you want to skip to that!

Other note: This comic has a soundtrack that’s worth checking out it’s amazing and I’ve been listening to “I Knew Prufrock Before He Was Famous” nonstop

            I don’t have much knowledge on Transformers. I saw the first Bayformers™ movie when it first came out a handful of times, because I have terrible taste and was a horrible child at the time. Beyond that, I knew it was a franchise based on a children’s toyline from the 80s- the male counterpart to the My Little Pony franchise. They turned into cars (or other manner of vehicles and devices), and there was a war on Cybertron between the Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, and the Decepticons, led by Megatron. Orson Welles was involved at some point. Due to my minimal exposure, I always brushed it off as a silly thing for straight guys.

            Recently a friend of mine began reading IDW’s Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye by James Roberts, and I was intrigued by it. As a member of the LGBT community I’m always drawn to things with gay characters, and as a horror fan I enjoy well…horror. This comic, it seemed, had both in spades. I admit that after several days of being interested, I was pushed into checking it out after this friend sent me a panel of a villain, Overlord, taunting one of the heroes rather late in the comic over the death of another character (if you’ve read it, you’ll know the scene I’m talking about). It’s morbid, I know, but I like what I like.

            I went in with expectations that I admit were rather low; I saw some notes on TvTropes about the comic drawing from real world situations, but I brushed them off, due to the frequency at which I’m let down. I expected to have, at worst, a fun comic with gay robots and lots of horror & “robo gore.” I was hilariously wrong and utterly blown away.

            The story of More Than Meets the Eye (and its sequel comic, Lost Light) is as follows: the war has ended after millions of years, leaving the remaining Cybertronians to rebuild their destroyed planet and society. Rodimus, an overdramatic glory-hound, has other plans. He gathers up a group of misfits and goes on a quest to find the legendary Knights of Cybertron on the ship the Lost Light. The cast includes (but is definitely not limited to): rules hound Ultra Magnus; Chromedome, a skilled mnemosurgeon suffering from depression, and his conjunx endura (essentially, husband) Rewind*, a friendly historical archivist; the stoic Cyclonus who is most definitely not a Decepticon; Brainstorm, a mad scientist; and Whirl, who loves a good fight and will provoke people to get one. After a disastrous launch, the crew embarks on adventures, encountering horrors and new friends (and foes) on their quest.

            At its heart, More Than Meets the Eye is a dramedy. The charm of the comic comes from the interactions between the crewmembers and those around them, in addition to reactions to the situations they find themselves in. This ranges from throwing a storytelling session in an attempt to bring the ship’s psychiatrist out of a coma, to dealing with a doctor who’s replaced his hands with chainsaws, to encountering a dead quantum duplicate of their captain (who decides that the only way to prevent his death is to cut off his own arm).

            While there is a strong feeling of found family and friendship throughout, friction leads to sharp dialogue as the characters snipe at each other.

[Rodimus, speaking to Minimus Ambus: “What was that? What was that supposed to be? The opposite of a pep talk, that’s what that was. God, I was angry, now I’m angry and depressed.”]

The character quirks and humor won me over pretty quickly, since it all highlighted the sense that none of these people had any business being together, let alone being on a quest together. But nonetheless, they cared for each other… to a certain extent. It reminded me a lot of Firefly, just with robots who turn into cars and stuff (I’ve also seen comparisons to Star Trek and Guardians of the Galaxy).

           What truly caught me off guard, however, was the depth of the drama and political intrigue. This pulls no emotional punches, and I found myself near tears on several occasions. From the end of issue 15 all through issue 16 was an experiment in how sad James Roberts could make me, apparently (I started crying as I type this because I thought about Chromedome saying “that makes it sound too grand” to Skids). Characters can and will die, often in horrible ways, as a lot of factions and feelings left over from the war kick up trouble. Despite the comedy, the emotional weight remains grounded and I never felt like something didn’t hit the mark.

            The political angle of the comic is likely my favorite part. It spoke to the historian core of me that constantly wishes that authors would do more research on real world scenarios and situations for their stories. There were several times I had to stop to send panels to a friend of mine – who is the same way, and knows a lot about the Russian Revolution – so we could talk about it. By rooting the political situations of Cybertron in very realistic movements and situations, Roberts’ worldbuilding and stories allow for an alarming relevance to situations in the modern day world. There are comments on universal healthcare, commodification on knowledge and education, and there’s even a plot point regarding a false flag operation to vilify the then progressive Decepticon movement. The world of Cybertron, up until the war, was highly segregated and Megatron, a lowly miner, was an outspoken opponent of the class system.

            Another note. A big note. This comic is really gay. I cannot express to you how gay this comic is. The main couple is gay, all the mentioned relationships have been gay, and it’s a weirdly wonderful experience. I’m so used to having entirely straight casts, with maybe one or two gay characters tossed my way, but to read a story where there hasn’t been a single straight romance? It’s amazing. It’s beautiful (note: as of now the closest to trans rep Transformers as a whole has is Arcee, and the less said about her the better. This is not Roberts’ fault). And to add, the comic averts the “being in love cures mental illness” trope- despite being in a very loving relationship, Chromedome is still severely depressed and struggles with self-esteem.

            The comic does require a major learning curve, as it throws the reader in with terms and people that newcomers likely will not know. I spent much of the first few issues in a bit of a daze, trying to get a grasp on the “Who”s and “What”s and admittedly, even now I need to take a moment to remember which robot is who. The distinct voices help this, but it is still a present problem.

            I have some personal quibbles with the current direction Megatron is going, as of issue 6 of Lost Light. I am not a fan of “violence is never the answer” within stories, and I instinctively sideeye them. However, it is too early to tell and I will withhold judgement until there is more on that plotline.

            If you’re a fan of the likes of Firefly and Guardians of the Galaxy who always thought the two could stand to be gayer, with a taste for horror and strangely grounded politics, this comic is certainly worth your time. 4.5/5 stars

A few warnings:

• ·         This comic is gory. Like, really gory. Like, there’s an entire arc called “slaughterhouse” where a ship has had its entire crew tortured and killed, with the one survivor having been forced to watch all of it. They’re robots but it’s still violent
• ·         There is frank mention of wanting to commit suicide in several issues and it is something Chromedome blatantly struggles with. A character, Red Alert, attempts it (but survives because they’re robots)
• ·         The comic has a strange relationship with the “bury your gays” trope. As previously stated every relationship in this comic is gay, but there’s plenty of tragedy to go around. The main gay couple, after a long period of tragedy, is alive and well however

*I was predisposed to love Rewind because he’s basically me as a robot. I too am a short gay historian (with dreams of being an archivist).

ARFID and Me

In light of Sad Perfect causing waves throughout book twitter, I felt like writing something about my own experience with ARFID was in order. This is long, not really edited, and mostly stream of conscious. Sorry.

            I’ve had ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) my whole life. I never really grew out of the “picky eating” stage, much to the concern and frustration of my family. Doctors didn’t know what was wrong, it wasn’t a recognized disorder when I was a child, they just assured my parents I would grow out of it.

            I never did. At the teetering point between 21 and 22, I’ve been officially diagnosed with ARFID for around three years.

            My whole life has been marked with an extreme phobia of foods. I didn’t eat much, and often times my parents would leave me at the dinner table to finish what was on my plate. I’d go to bed hungry, since that was preferable to having to eat something my brain deemed “unsafe.” Why were these foods unsafe? There was a variety of reasons- I didn’t like the texture, the smell made me nauseated, and usually just flat out because the thought of eating it caused me such bone deep anxiety that I could hardly move.

            I have a set list of safe foods (which I will not be disclosing because it’s personal and a little embarrassing), and most things on it are either fruits, carbs, dairy, or junk food. Meats and vegetables are almost a complete no for me. I often watch videos of people trying foreign food and just find myself wondering: how do they do that? How do these people look at a food they’ve never seen before in their life and just pop it in their mouth like it’s no big deal? I have to tread carefully even within my safe foods, because even slight ingredients or brand alterations can cause me to lose something to the “unsafe” category.

            My social and familial life has been structured around this disorder. I can’t go to restaurants that don’t have any of my safe foods (I have, on more than a few occasions, gone without eating during holiday dinners), I can’t eat split topping pizzas, God forbid a safe food even touch an unsafe food. It made me feel like a burden, like I was ruining everyone’s good time with something I can’t help.  “Why don’t you just pick the toppings off?” someone would say, and I would just shrug because “it’s been tainted” sounds ridiculous. “Don’t you get tired of eating at the same place all the time?” someone asks, and I just want to scream that yes, yes I do but there’s nothing I can do about it.

            I always told myself that I would grow out of it, that I just needed to try harder. But as years passed and health classes stacked up (not to mention the school visits from a well-known nutritionist whose children were in my school system), my anxiety about it grew. It came to a head my senior year of high school, when I realized my food options would be different once I started attending university. I knew that there would be safe foods on campus – what campus doesn’t have pizza or French fries? – but surviving off that would be a hassle.

            So my freshman year, in the middle of class (I’m not going to pretend like I’m a fantastic student) I researched. I looked up my symptoms, I looked for people like me. When I found results, even a name for it, I nearly started crying. Putting a name to something that’s affected me my entire life was one of the most liberating experiences I’ve ever had. I was able to bring it up with a doctor for diagnosis, I was able to join a community of people like me.

            But I’m still cut off from such a massive part of something society considers “normal.” There’s very little I can do in terms of treatment (it exists, but I find that the disorder is still too new for anything concrete to help), and the best I can do is grin and bear it. It’s hard for me to say “I have an eating disorder” to people, because the statement often causes high alarm and I end up feeling like a liar when I explain that it’s really just that my diet is restricted.

            Due to ARFID being a low risk ED (in addition to it usually being part of Autism), I am not entirely surprised that it doesn’t have much mainstream attention. It is, however, incredibly upsetting that the attention it does get often treat it as a spectacle. The episode of “My Strange Affliction” comes to mind, which showcased a woman who could only eat fries prepared in a very specific way. The hosts convinced her to try some rice, and the entire tone was disbelief that a grown woman was crying over a plate of rice that she hadn’t even eaten yet. That’s how ARFID is: I’ve been in the same spot as that woman (albeit in my home at dinner, not on TV) and knowing how “strange” people find it makes me want to eat in public even less.

            At the end of the day I mostly just want my disorder to be taken seriously, and to be allowed a voice in discussions about eating disorders. I’m always willing to answer any questions about it, and if anything here isn’t exactly clear (I’m aware it’s rather rambly and some things are hard to put into words), I’m perfectly willing to clarify.